Date of publication: 2017-09-01 21:15
thanks for the comment. alas, i dont really agree with your criticisms but such is!! warm greetings glad that the world is safe to share alternative opinions!!! daniel
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And you might think here about the fine line between detachment and dissociation, which you’ve mentioned elsewhere on other topics. I think there might be a little bit of a disconnect inside you about your ability to remain “dispassionate” and take on criticism, and recognizing that others (such as Alice Miller) may be still so painfully connected to the old wounds that they cannot be dispassionate.
I 8767 m in therapy and like my therapist. But I need to move forward in talking more about my past at this point. I 8767 m hesitant, not only because it 8767 s unnerving to think about talking about it all again. I 8767 ve seen many therapists and have talked about it all before. So obviously there 8767 s more and/or there 8767 s more to it.
She then adds in Thou Shalt Not Be Aware , “If adults have a satisfying sex life with another adult, they have no need to act upon the desires aroused by the child or to ward them off.” [p. 676]. Translation: the only way to avoid becoming a pedophile or repressing the “natural” sexual urges you have for your children is to have good sex with your partner. Heaven forbid you’re a single parent (or are celibate): then you’re stuck!
This all sounds great – beautiful and true – and like countless other who read these words, I found myself curious about and inspired by Stettbacher – and all the more so when I read Alice Miller’s 6996 Foreword and Afterword to Stettbacher’s book, Making Sense of Suffering. From the Foreword:
What she is really saying here when she states that some people were never abused is that there are such things as perfect parents. This is the same line of denial she has subtly been giving in her books from the very beginning. It is a farce, because the only person potentially capable of being a perfect parent is the one who has resolved all of his or her traumas. But considering that Alice Miller views even the possibility of full inner exploration as “hubris,” you realize that something is not adding up in her philosophy. And psychological rationalizations like Winnicott’s concept of “the good-enough mother” are not enough to balance the ledgers.
This brings to mind her more recent writings on Jesus (also from 7556), which, again, had they not had Alice Miller’s name attached to them, I would again have found difficult to believe were created from the same piercing intellect that deconstructed Hitler and put previous brilliant analysts like Erich Fromm, who attempted the same feat, to shame. (These Jesus writings did, however, have a precursor in Thou Shalt Not Be Aware.) It was like she really just blocked out so much of her earlier theory and just started running on autopilot. She wrote:
Arthur Miller Online public library and valuable digital archive run by The Arthur Miller Society. Page still under construction but provides a comprehensive insight into Miller’s complete works, particularly The Crucible and Death of a Salesman.
7. Greek tragedies depicted “great” characters in their tragedies who were mortals but equal to gods and goddesses in their significance. Heroes of English tragedy may come from all walks of life.
We live in a world where perfection is supposedly impossible. We live in a world where children are taught that they can never really FULLY expect to be happy, and that they have to learn to accept their parents’ limitations. We live in a world where we are destroying our planet, ruining our environment for our own species and for so many other species, essentially eating ourselves out of house and home – and yet doing it with so much complacency. Believing that perfection is impossible is the byword of the day. It keeps us comfortable, and prevents us from really having to fight – and face our own deepest inner demons.
And so she remains beautifully intellectually logical to the end – to the degree of subtly threatening (with legal action) anyone who challenges her version of “the truth.” The seamlessness of her argument suggests to me how frustrating it would have been to be her therapy patient, if, heaven forbid, you had more access to the feelings around your childhood traumas than she was willing to face within herself.
Precious, yes: her mentally retarded daughter was functioning as a substitute mother that Alice Miller never had – unlike the biological mother who did not and could not love her, a mother who gave her days of the vicious silent treatment, a mother from whom she could not escape. Her daughter was a built-in audience. Alice Miller then adds:
People can heal. I believe even Hitler could have emotionally healed from the horrors that he committed in the Holocaust – given the right healing environment, which, I admit, is hard to fathom, yet of which I am convinced exists at least theoretically. I believe we all want to heal more than anything in the world, because the true self is irrepressible and full of only one desire: to become conscious and manifest. Alice Miller herself, in 6985, wrote along these very lines (though granted, before she faced her deeper levels of emotional horror): “For the human soul is virtually indestructible, and its ability to rise from the ashes remains as long as the body draws breath.” [ For Your Own Good , p. 779].
I have red in your biography/about page, that you were convinced to be lucky in some way to have been raised better than you own parents, so you could leave them. In my opinion, there is no luck in this. This is a mourning that every abused child has to do. Leaving his parents is just more 8775 true 8776 than believing that they are your parents. Cause, in fact, as abused child, you are an orphan.